Epiphany

Here’s an ersatz epiphany if ever there was one: I haven’t been writ­ing much for quite a while. Sto­ry of my life…

I have made so many of these re-starts after long droughts over the years that I feel that I have pret­ty well explored the avail­able range of tone for such com­mu­niques. Since none of these approach­es has ever pre­vent­ed my sub­se­quent relapse into uncer­e­mo­ni­ous silence, I think that this time I am going to dis­pense with the navel gaz­ing, the self-recrim­i­na­tion, the blithe plat­i­tudes, and the pluck­i­ly-opti­mistic plans for the next four­teen thou­sand words com­ing down the pipe. This time, just for a change if for no oth­er rea­son, I am just going to pick up my pen and start writ­ing again.

Anoth­er new year has rolled around, and as usu­al it has not found me any stronger, smarter, braver, more reli­able, more dili­gent, more spe­cialer, or oth­er­wise improved in any reportable or per­cep­ti­ble man­ner. I will turn thir­ty (30) this year, which seems like it should be sig­nif­i­cant, though I am still unclear why. I am try­ing to avoid forc­ing any sig­nif­i­cance upon this occa­sion, hop­ing that what­ev­er actu­al sig­nif­i­cance there may be will just reveal itself at the appro­pri­ate time. I will keep you post­ed on any devel­op­ments on that front.

I feel that this needs must be a year in which a great many thing hap­pen. That’s about as spe­cif­ic as I care to be at this point, but 2008, from this end, looks to be a fiery cru­cible of change, and whether I come out at the far end a much bet­ter man or a bro­ken one is large­ly up to me and the choic­es I choose to make, the ener­gy I put into these choic­es, and how hard I am will­ing and able to work at mak­ing things hap­pen. (Wow! Anoth­er epiphany! I threw that one in for free, just because I’m such a swell guy.) I know that I am tired of not feel­ing proud to be myself, so the rem­e­dy has long seemed to me pret­ty obvi­ous: I need to become some­one I can be proud to be. Huh. Wish me luck on that.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: